By Eric Peters
For NMA
First came ASS – the acronym that stands for Automatic Stop/Start, the system that automatically shuts off the vehicle’s engine every time the vehicle stops moving, then automatically restarts it when the driver lifts his foot off the brake.
At first – when ASS began to mysteriously appear in new vehicles about a decade ago as a standard feature that no one asked for – it was easy enough to turn ASS off. There was usually a button on the dash or somewhere on the center console. You often had to turn ASS off at the start of every drive in order to stop ASS from shutting off the engine every time the vehicle stopped moving – but at least you could turn ASS off.
Then it got harder to find the off button because there no longer was one. Instead, you had to figure out where “off” was buried within the various menus displayed on the LCD screen. These latter became unavoidable in a new vehicle about five years ago. No more just getting in and pushing the off button; it was necessary to go through a process of rigmarole to turn ASS off.
It was easier to just leave it on.
Just what they wanted. Just what was originally intended. The vehicle manufacturers knew few – if any – of their customers wanted ASS. That’s why ASS was never an option. It has always been a standard feature. But when a standard feature is unwanted, it’s generally wise for the seller to make it possible to turn it off. Hence the button – for a while.
Now the physical button is gone – and the option to turn ASS off – is disappearing.
This is an example that sets the stage for the next feature that’s all-of-a-sudden becoming standard in new vehicles: “Distracted/drowsy driver” monitoring systems.
These monitor the driver’s eye movements via cameras you can’t see but that see you. That watch you while you drive. The cameras are typically embedded in a housing on top of the steering column; look for what appears to be a small accessory warning gauge pod that never lights up. Some systems watch you via cameras built into the big black box thing that’s now part of the rearview mirror.
The point is, you’re being watched as you drive. If the system doesn’t like how you’re driving, it will badger you with warning chimes to “keep eyes forward” or “take a break.”
All it takes for the badgering to commence is to glance right or left as you drive; i.e., for you to keep track of what’s going on around you as opposed to just what’s in front of you. The system wants mindless tunnel-vision; eyes ahead only! It’s not exactly “safe” but then neither is the embedding of most of a vehicle’s controls within menus that are only accessible by “scrolling through” smartphone-emulating menus on a smartphone-emulating LCD touchscreen built into the vehicle – but leave that aside for the present.
Almost no one asked for these “distracted/drowsy driver” monitoring systems, either. They just began to appear – magically! – about two three years ago. Soon, they will be as unavoidable in a new vehicle as ASS and after a period of getting-used-to-it, it will become impossible to turn off this feature, too.
For now, it is possible to defeat (there is no off button) the “distracted/drowsy driver” monitor by putting a piece of painter’s or electrical tape over the electronic eye, so it cannot see you anymore. When you do that, the monitor gets annoyed with you – just like your middle school teacher did when you passed notes in class. “Sit Up!” the display reads. The monitor/nag thinks you’re slouching in your seat. After a while, it gives up and says the “distracted/drowsy driver” monitor isn’t able to monitor and to check your owner’s manual.
It’s entertaining – it’s enjoyable – to stymie the electronic nag. But laugh while you can because it won’t be long before you can’t stymie the nag. It’s coming as assuredly as the button to turn ASS off is going.
What will happen is that the vehicle will not drive if the “distracted/drowsy driver” monitor is stymied. It may not pull itself over and lock you within until a cop arrives to hand you a ticket for “unsafe” driving. But it will refuse to move if it cannot see you; if you place tape over its electronic eyes to prevent it from seeing you. If you do that before putting it in Drive, it will not let you put it in Drive. Remember, you don’t control anything in a vehicle that is controlled by computers. You are allowed to operate various functions. So long as the computer allows it.
If you wait until you’re driving to place the tape over the eyes, the likely result will be badgering chimes that make driving unendurable. Or that the computer cuts engine power such that all you’re able to do is drive very slowly until the tape is removed.
Bear in mind that this “distracted/drowsy driver” thing is already a mandated thing. That is to say, a thing all new vehicles must have by 2026. Which is why many vehicles already have it, in anticipation of what’s coming (in terms of the regs, which have the same effect as laws) and also so as to get people used to it.
Just like ASS.
Eric Peters lives in Virginia and enjoys driving cars and motorcycles. In the past, Eric worked as a car journalist for many prominent mainstream media outlets. Currently, he focuses his time writing auto history books, reviewing cars, and blogging about cars+ for his website EricPetersAutos.com.
Editor’s Note: The thoughts and opinions expressed in this article are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions of the National Motorists Association.
Very clever!